Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
