We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
A bitchslap is in order.
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