I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
