I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
