I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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