I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
