Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
