Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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