I wish life had little blips of pornography
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
