Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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