I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
