WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
