Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
