piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
