On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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