I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
