girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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