Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
