Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
