I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
im six kinds of drunk right now
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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