i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
