Non-Jews are for practice
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the day after is always just damage control
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
