Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
