it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
