Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize
