it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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