Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
