How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
