Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
