hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
