So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
we should paint friendship bongs
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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