when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
