Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
