stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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