Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
