I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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