why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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