You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
