theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
