an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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