Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
