Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
