Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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