Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
