his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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