She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
