i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
