i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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