girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
