I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
